I decided to start this blog on kind of a whim, I
suppose, but also because I wanted to be able to put the stories I tell some
friends into a more public forum with the hope that some people may find them
funny and also that perhaps they will find them helpful. Maybe even
inspirational, though I’d beg to differ if anyone ever called me that. Let’s go
with “supportive” as possibly a better word.
Maybe folks will read this and maybe they won’t. I
will likely never know, but I’ll have put metaphorical pen to paper and shared
my journey. Plus, my friend Ruby will totally laugh. I think I collect most of
the stories for her benefit. I’m grateful to have an appreciative audience and
a supportive one as well. Goodness knows I’m full of enough nonsense and if I’m
lucky, perhaps a little good sense as well. Time will tell.
When I first publicly shared my story in a blog with a
link posted to Facebook (and at last count, the entry had nearly 650 page
views, which is so cool), a friend of mine created the hashtag #allupinmyvagina. Oh, I laughed and
laughed and laughed when I saw that. I wish I could remember what I said
exactly that prompted that, but I must have said that I didn’t really want to
let everyone all up in my vagina. And yet…I kind of am.
Talking about the problem helps educate people. It
makes it less taboo and hopefully someone out there who knows me or knows
someone who knows me and has heard about my situation will be able to get the
help that they need because they were educated. Because they heard the word “vaginismus”
for the first time and looked it up and realized that’s what they are dealing
with too.
Laughing about the problem, well, that’s necessary to
me. You either laugh or you cry and I’d much rather laugh. Oh, I have cried now
and then because of the frustration or because of the pain, but I laugh A LOT
about the whole situation. I keep threatening
to develop a stand-up comedy routine all about this, but we’ll see. I could see
it all lending itself to being a monologue or two for some kind of performance,
but we’ll see. Right now this blog will work.
I still laugh when I think about the first night I
went to The Guy’s house with the intention of having sex. Having sex with a man
I had not seen in YEARS and who I had never thought about in that way until a
few months prior. Someone I never had known very well and still didn’t, in
spite of flirting and texting and sexting. (Yeah, that’s right. I said it. I’ve
been sexting. But…y’know…not lately or anything. Which is kind of depressing so
I’m going to stop talking about it immediately.) But yet we thought nothing
could possibly go wrong with this plan. I’d show up, we’d get naked and have a
good time, I’d go home and life would go on.
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂
I’m sorry. Gimme a minute. I’m going to start crying I’m
laughing so hard.
There’s a saying that goes something like, “How do you
make God laugh? Tell him what your plans are.” Oh yeah. God was laughing that
night. Not in a mean way, but at my naiveté. At the notion that nothing was
going to go wrong here. I mean, why would it?? Doesn’t everyone decide to get
naked with someone they really don’t know very well? Doesn’t that always end well? Suuuuure it does. Now lemme
sell you this bridge I got in Brooklyn.
I could beat myself up about all that, but what’s the
point? I’d say “all’s well that ends well”, but it didn’t end well. Not that
night. He wasn’t happy. I wasn’t happy. Various parts of our anatomy were definitely not happy.
But you know what? I’m happy today, right now, as I
write this. Because if it hadn’t been for that night nearly a year ago and if
it hadn’t been for The Guy (yes, that’s how I’m going to refer to him because
if he’s reading this he knows who he is and I can’t say that anyone else needs
to but me) I’m not sure when I’d have found out about this problem. So things
might not have ended well that night, but they will end well ultimately. Oh,
not because we’ll ever be saving sex, because that ship has sailed, but because
knowledge is power and I’m going to get this sorted out. And start telling lube
jokes the next time I post. Y’all really have no idea how many funny situations
can happen due to the use of personal lubrication products. If you’re reading
this, I hope you’ll stay tuned for future updates. I think it might be worth
it.
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