Why do we tip toe around things so much? Walking on
egg shells so that we don’t accidently “offend” someone. I’m not advocating
simply saying whatever you think and feel at whatever time you think or feel
it. People do that enough on Facebook these days and it’s out-of-hand, but I’ve
dealt with a ridiculous level of political correctness because I was in college
in the blooming age of PC and it drove me nuts. It was like you weren’t allowed
to be unhappy for any reason – EVER – because hey, let’s all be shiny, happy
people! Whee! *coughcoughBARF*
Today I was talking to a colleague who knows all my business because I trust her and
consider her a friend. A friend who might also throw me under the bus
professionally if it came down to something between her or me, but personally
she’s had my back and listened to a lot of my angst over the past year or so. I
appreciate that.
During our little chat, I was talking about my annual
OBGYN visit happening this afternoon and I mentioned that I was a little
disappointed that I think my insurance only does pap smears every two years now
instead of every year (and how twisted is it to WANT to have a pap smear??) because
that would give me an idea of how well my physical therapy is working. Then I
said something about how I guess it was just as well since my period had
started last night (oh please, that’s not TMI considering everything else I
talk about!). I whispered the word “period” when I said it, like it was
something that shouldn’t be mentioned. Not that I want to have in-depth
discussions with anyone about that, but still…why did I feel like I had to
whisper about it to another woman when we weren’t within earshot or anyone
else?
Why are we so afraid of these kinds of personal
things?? For crying out loud, if I have to see one more commercial for erectile
dysfunction with people dancing around and everything making it sound like it
is SO important that men can perform sexually, I might scream. Because women
always seem to sit in the shadows without being able to talk about this kind of
thing because it’s “inappropriate” or women aren’t supposed to have sexual
urges and desires without it being seen as “wrong” or “dirty” or “shameful”.
Yes, I know, I’m ranting right now and I’m ok with it. Sometimes you gotta let
it all out.
Truly though, why is it the norm to see those kind of
commercials on TV al the time, but until I opened my big yapper about this type
of problem for women, most people I know had never heard of it?
I heard a story in a Ted Talk about a female newspaper editor who didn’t want to run a story on this type of thing because she claimed
that if painful sex was really a problem for women, why wasn’t anyone talking
about it? WHY??? Because the societal
norm has always been that women don’t talk about that kind of thing. If they
desire sex, they are promiscuous or a slut. Something must be wrong with them.
But if men talk opening about sex, it’s just part of being a man (whatever the
hell that means these days).
Vaginismus or lichen sclerosus or dyspareunia aren’t only about sex or the
desire for it though. It’s a quality of life issue. For me personally, it’s not
like I’m getting any regular offers, but now that I know the equipment isn’t
working right, I’d like to get it up to snuff before the next opportunity comes
along, y’know? But it makes me angry to see ED have such a public profile when
women have sexual dysfunction issues as well and they are just as demoralizing
for them as it is for a man who can’t get an erection. And if a man CAN get an
erection, what good does it do if my vagina is a hostile environment??? Why get
it up if you can’t get it in??
Thankfully the men I know who have engaged me in any
kind of conversation about vaginismus have done so in the most respectful and
open manner I could ever have imagined. I wasn’t sure the men in my life (any
of them, so I apologize for that generalization to all my male friends and
family members) could handle that kind of discussion, but I was wrong. Not that
I sit down and talk about it to them with regularity face-to-face, but I’ll get
an email or comment now and then from someone that lets me know they have been
paying attention and that something they came across made them think about my
situation and want to share information. The fact that men are listening and
really hearing is wonderful!! As I said the very first time I publicly talked
about this, it is NOT just a women’s
health issue. It affects everyone.
Enough ranting. I’ll leave the final words of the
evening to Julia Sugarbaker. Mostly because I no longer have any idea where I'm going with this so why not let her take over the ranting for me.
